Daddy Needs Love Too

My wife decided to go with a Netflix Buffy the Vampire slayer marathon this weekend.  That is cool right, well…   She fucking watched 41 episodes.  That is something like 30 hours of buffy.  I am all for a trip down memory lane but good god woman.

I manufactured about 10 lbs of sawdust this weekend refinishing the kitchen table.  It looks great and I feel manly and accomplished.  I even got mild complements from my boy and the wife.

So if this erection lasts one more hour I am supposed to call a doctor. Since when are doctors giving blowjobs?

The level of crazy exhibited by the women on extreme couponing is staggering. I don’t care if it is free, I don’t want 20 bottles of mustard.

I wonder how much engineering goes into making uncrustables. I can picture focus groups. Questionnaires that say ” too much peanut butter? Strongly agree?”

I overslept by a half hour this morning and still managed to be the first one in to work today.  I get more work done in the hour before anyone else shows up than I do for the rest of the day it seems.

So the new guy didn’t last very long.  Wednesday was to be his last day, but then yesterday he comes in and says he is working till noon.  Nice.  Who does that?  Oh well. I never really liked him.  He was a nice guy, but he lacked any real personality. The pisser is that he was pretty good at the job.

I am looking forward to meeting someone new.  I need some friends.  Maybe we can hire a hot chick.  Anyone know any cute female mechanical engineers?  anyone? no?  ah well, maybe its for the best.

I needed to pick up a new shirt quickly this Saturday. So I rolled in the the Khols because, you know… I have no style or shame.  Boom.  Found a serviceable shirt in about 2 minutes and proceeded to checkout where a very nice older man was ringing up a college kid in front of me.  I found the shortest line too yay.

The old guy starts pitching the hard sell on the store credit card.

Jesus fucking christ, please let this guy get raptured if he fucking applies for a credit card.  Yup, so I stand there for about 5 minutes with other lines moving briskly. arggg. I’m almost late for my daughters first dance recital.

Finally I get in line and the old guy who is friendly and nice starts in on me.  I tell him I am in a hurry.  No I don’t want a card, yes, that’s great that the last guy saved 75% on his purchase.  I would rather pay 75% more for this shirt than to get a credit card. No I will not give you my zip code.  No I don’t need a bag, just let me get out of here.  He says security won’t let me out of the store with out a bag.  There are cameras and they will see me.  So I say if the cameras are watching then they can see that I paid.  And besides, I am too fast for any security guard to catch me.   He says they will stop you in the parking lot.  I am sure his is talking out his ass now.  I tell him that it would be illegal to stop me in the parking lot because I am a paying customer.

Finally I ask him what do I need to do to walk out of here right now?  Do I need to leave this shirt here and leave without it?  Finally he hands me my receipt and I take off running like I stole it.  For fun.

Later after the recital in my new shirt I discover that my friend who showed up for the recital almost got kicked out of the same store for getting upset with the same cashier.  And that the guy made a similar crack about saving enough money with the credit card to buy MacDonald’s for lunch.  Who knew a nice old man could cause so much anger.

I wonder if I should get up early tomorrow and take the kids out of the house to let the Wifey wonder if we were raptured.  It probably wouldn’t occur to her.  Thank God I married an atheist.

So the new guy put in his notice.  He says he just doesn’t have the passion for the job that the rest of us do.  Apparently he took the job without thinking it through.  The place he left is taking him back.  What the hell? Who does that?

I don’t mind that much.  He is a nice guy, but I do not like him much. His personality is extra vanilla and his sense of humor is rated PG.  It just sucks that I will be the only mechanical engineer here for a while till we can get someone else in the spot.  This is a little stressful but not too big a deal.  It makes me look like a hero so that’s nice.

This is the guy who thinks that God himself provided this opportunity and that it was a miracle that he got the job just 2 days after deciding to leave his old company.  I didn’t have the vitriol to point this out to him now that he is leaving.  I should have told him that God was testing him to see if he could overcome the adversity and blah blah blah.  I am a reformed asshole apparently.  Maybe I will get lucky and he will be caught up in the rapture tomorrow.

So I gotta have some about every day.  My sex drive has diminished over the years and now at 35 I would say that 5 times a week is perfect.  Maybe if I was any good at it my wife would ask for it more than once a month.  So,  I take care of it myself more often than not. She wakes me up the other night an hour after I take care of business in the shower before bed.  I am game, so we go at it.  It seems to be good for her, and I am really enjoying it, but I can’t finish again so soon and so sleepy.  Now shes pissed cause she thinks she is undesirable and bad in bed.  This is twice in a row that we have had sex and I didn’t finish.  Both times she woke me up for sex.  So… I got laid, but did I get lucky?

I enjoyed some KFC extra crispy chicken.  I eat pretty healthy day to day, but you just gotta get some of that chicken every once in a while.  Also I feel like I need a shower now because washing my hands and face wasn’t enough to get the greasy feeling off of me.

Am I the only one who noticed that the American public celebrations over Bin Laden’s death look exactly like the celebrations in other parts of the world after 9/11?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMOZvbYJMvU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAU6S6ke36o

EXACTLY